By Samantha Cartwright & Emma Houldershaw
CAST
Red Little Red Riding Hood (F), Granny Cherry (M), Ruby (F), Big Bad Wolf (M), Little Wolf (M/F), Woody The woodcutter (M/F), Goldilocks (F), Musteat and Delivertoo (M/F), Daddy Bear (M/F), Mummy Bear (F), Baby Bear (M/F), Muddles (M/F), Chorus
4 Female, 2 Male, 7 M/F
Scenes – the Village of Sunnyside Woods, the Woods, Granny’s house
Time – Fairytale
An excerpt from Little Red Riding Hood
ACT 1
Scene 1
The Village of Sunnyside Woods, colourful Village centre, with stalls or shops
Song 1
Red (to audience) Hello everyone! Can you guess who I am? (they shout out) Yes, that’s right, I’m Little Red Riding Hood, but everyone calls me Red. Will you be my friends? (audience shout yes) Oh great. Now that we’re friends, can I let you know a secret? I’m going on an adventure today.
Villager 1 Ooh how exciting, where are you going?
Villager 2 To Disneyland?
Villager 3 To the North Pole?
Villager 4 To Space?
Red Er no, I’m going into the woods (she is really excited and the villagers shrug and go back to what they were doing, Red talks to the audience again) They might not think it’s exciting, but I do, this is my first time going into the woods on my own. I’m going to Granny’s house to take her some cakes from my mum. Do you know what the fastest cake in the world is? Scone (she laughs) Which cakes are the saddest? Wedding cakes, they’re often in tiers. How is History like a fruit cake? Both are full of dates. So I’m going on my own this time, Mum thinks I’m old enough now and what could possibly go wrong? It’s only the woods, right? My mum always says if you’ve got a full tummy, you’re prepared for anything, so I better make sure I have some breakfast before I go.
Ruby enters with a trolley of food
Ruby Breakfast! Red, you’re not going anywhere until you’ve got a nice full tummy.
Red Ok Mum. (they both stand behind the trolley and pull out breakfast items as they are mentioned) I’m so ‘egg’cited (holds up an egg, puts it in the basket under the trolley when she has finished showing it to the audience) to be going into the woods on my own, I feel like a ‘bran’d new person, all grown up (shows a box of bran flakes).
Ruby ‘Weet’ abix (said like she’s saying wait) we have to go through the rules before you go. ‘Honey’ you don’t stray from the path. There’s dangerous animals in those woods that would make ‘sausage’ meat out of you if you ‘cross’aint them.
Red Don’t worry Mum, I’ll ‘bagel’ good, oh that one was bad, have the writers even ‘bean’s to school? I promise I won’t make a ‘hash brown’ out of this.
Ruby I’m trusting you, my little ‘crumpet’. To make sure you stay warm, I’ve put your ‘muff’in your basket and an extra ‘pear’ of socks.
Red I’m ‘lucky charm’ to have a mum like you
Ruby Now when you get to Granny’s, don’t let her ‘waffle’ on, you know what she’s like.
Red I won’t, I’ll ‘bacon’ (be gone) before you can say ‘mangos’ and ‘mandarins’ go mostly in ‘museli’
Ruby ‘mangos’ and ‘mandarins’ go mostly in ‘museli’?
Red Yes, ‘mangos’ and, oh enough of this, I’m off ‘cheerios’ (drum beat thing to finish a joke)
Red exits
Ruby (to audience) How rude of me, I haven’t introduced myself. I’m Ruby, Red’s mother. I love cooking, are you hungry? I’ve got a full trolley here of food if you’d like anything? I’ve got cottage pie, cherry pie, chicken and mushroom pie, cream pie, lemon meringue pie, steak pie
Villager 1 Do you have anything that isn’t pie?
Ruby Sorry, I don’t but I’ll order a takeaway.
Gets out her phone and as she does, Musteat and Delivertoo enter from opposite sides on bikes, they almost crash into each other, Ruby takes her trolley back and villagers start hovering round her to buy food.
Musteat Oi, watch out!
Delivertoo What are you doing?
Musteat Someone called for a delivery
Delivertoo That’s why I’m here too
Musteat I hope it’s not another mix up, the other day I tried to deliver and there was a note on the door saying ‘please hide in the bins’, eight hours I sat in those bins until someone found me.
Delivertoo I got fired from a pizza place after only six hours working there, they said I was a bad delivery driver, but how could they know, I hadn’t even delivered my first order yet.
Musteat We delivery drivers are so under appreciated.
Delivertoo I heard there was going to be an applause for delivery drivers across the country this Thursday, apparently it’s sometime between 8am and 6pm
Musteat I’m Musteat (sing it in the style of Just Eat)
Delivertoo And I’m Delivertoo (sing it in the style of Deliveroo)
Musteat Hey, who are all these people out here? (indicating audience)
Delivertoo Oh hello, you must be the audience, my mum told me there might be an audience, I said I felt a bit nervous, she said whatever you do, don’t try to be too charming, witty or intellectual, just be yourself.
Musteat I just watched an Australian cooking show and the audience cheered when the chef made meringue. I was surprised…usually Australian’s boo meringue.
Delivertoo I think we are meant to do a speech or say something
Musteat Asking me to speak is like watching a dog walk on its hind legs. Even if it isn’t done well, you’re amazed it can be done at all
Ruby approaches them
Ruby Can I offer you a slice of pie, I have all flavours?
Musteat Delivering food is our job
Ruby It seems everyone is delivering food today, my daughter, Little Red Riding Hood, is going into the woods today to deliver cakes to her Granny
Delivertoo We could take them for her
Ruby Oh no, Red’s so excited to be going, this will be her first time going into the woods alone. I hope she’ll be alright.
Musteat Those woods are full of wild animals
Delivertoo Are you sure it’s a good idea to let her go alone
Ruby I don’t have much choice, I have so much work to do here
Sound effect of text messages, both get out their phones to check
Musteat Speaking of work, I have to get back to work myself, I’ve had a delivery come through,
Delivertoo Me too, that’s strange, it says deliver a rare steak to the Big Bad Wolf in the woods
Musteat Mine’s the same, I don’t like the sound of this
Delivertoo Maybe we should go together
Musteat Good idea
Delivertoo You know the best thing about team work? Someone else to blame.
Musteat We need to get going before we lose our jobs. What’s the problem with unemployment jokes? None of them work.