An excerpt from Bah Humbug! A very modern Xmas Carol
Reporter stands in spot light centre stage holding a mic.
Reporter This is is Sandra Pierce reporting live on the scene. Fashion Icon Jacqueline Marley is dead as a doornail! ownership of her iconic London store now falls to her long time business partner Even Lisa Scrooge! And now here is the story!
Reporter exits, Scrooge works at her desk in deep thought. Barb, Cashier and Assistant enter scared.
Barb Miss Scrooge? I’m sorry to disturb you whilst you are sorting the stores accounts but we were wondering-
Cashier Just a passing thought mind-
Assistant Nothing serious of course just simply-
Scrooge (Yells) Well spit it out already!
Barb: Could we turn the heating on?
Scrooge pauses and raises her head, they quiver.
Scrooge Is that…all? All this fuss over… heating? Of course not! The cold helps to drive our new range of winter coats and scarves!
They don’t move.
Barb It’s… Christmas eve Miss Scrooge.
Scrooge I am aware of the date Barb, Bah humbug! spit it out your wasting time and money.
Barb We were wondering if we might have the day off tomorrow seeing as no one will be out shopping, everyone will be at home with their families so it would be just a waste of electricity.
Scrooge And how much is customery to take off? 2 hours? 3?
Barb Actually… It’s the whole day, miss.
Scrooge The whole day?
Cashier Forget it.
Assistant It wasn’t important.
Cashier (points) It was Barbs idea!
Scrooge Fine, we will run Sunday hours, come in at 10 o clock tomorrow, not a minute later!
Cashier Thank you! Thank you!
Assistant And… what about our Xmas… bonus?
Scrooge Ah yes! How could I have forgotten.
Cashier Thank you so much miss Scrooge!
Scrooge You can each take a pair of cotton socks from the sale floor.
They all mutter thank you and leave, Scrooge’s nephew Phil enters.
Phil Merry Xmas dear Aunt!
Scrooge Dearest Phil, what brings your external exuberant enthusiasm to haunt my office?
Phil I brought you a present and to wish you and your staff a very merry Xmas!
Scrooge Bah Humbug, you can be such a foolish boy.
Phil But is a fool a fool if he is a happy one?
Barb Miss Scrooge there’s a- Oh hello Phil! Merry Xmas! (they embrace) How is the lovely Clara?
Phil Merry Xmas Barb! She’s fine, we are enjoying every minute of being engaged and we must send you an invitation to the wedding, it’s going to be Doctor Who themed!
Phil How’s your little Timmy?
Scrooge Talk on your lunch break! Time is money Barb, and see Phil out would you.
Phil Merry Christmas Aunt Scrooge!