Joe White and the Seven Dorks

By Samantha Cartwright

Joe White’s evil step-mother kicks him out on the streets in her quest to inherit the family fortune – where he meets up with seven young misfits and one very special girl. But evil still lurked around the corner! Will Joe be able to escape from his step mother’s sinister plot? A Jukebox musical based loosely on the fairytale Snow White.

Cast Joe White (M), Dr Daria (F), Susan (F), Imogen (F), Gertrude (F), Franny (F), Penelope (F), Mildred (F), Ursula (F), Ted (M), Max (M), Cara (F), Esmerelda (M/F), Mo (F), Bert (M), Chorus

4 Male, 10 Female, 1 Male or Female

Scenes The White’s mansion, The Dorks home

An excerpt from Joe White and the Seven Dorks by Samantha Cartwright

ACT  1


Scene opens at The Whites house. Father and Son are watching a game of football eating crisps and having fun

Joe  Oh referee you must be kidding me that was definitely not a foal

Stuffing crisps into his mouth

Ted  You’re right son they spend more time on the floor than they do actually on the ball

Joe  You could play better than them Dad and that’s saying something

Ted  Ha you can talk you have two left feet, remember when we used to go for a kick about in the park, you didn’t have a clue

Joe  Well I was only four dad! We haven’t done that for ages, we should do it again soon, we would have a great laugh

Ted  Yes we should son, but maybe don’t mention it in front of your stepmother, you know how she feels about football

Joe Ok sure, I’m surprised she let you watch the game today dad

Ted  I don’t need her permission to watch a football match Joe, I’m a grown man you know

From offstage they hear noises as if a door has been slammed shut

Ursula  Ted, Ted where are you?

Ted  Quick turn that thing off and help me clean up this mess

John  Thought you said……..

Ted  Just do it son

Both frantically try and hide all the evidence, in walks Ursula laden with shopping bags

Ursula  What an earth is going on in here

Ted  Hi love, we were just…. erm… just

Joe  Just working out a birthday surprise for you

Walking around them slowly as if interrogating them

Ursula   Oh really that’s funny seen as though my birthday was last month John

Ted  What he meant was…..

Ursula  Don’t let another thing come out of your mouth Ted, I don’t want to hear more lies

Joe  Ursula it wasn’t a big deal we were just watching the match together, a bit of father and son time, that’s all, ill clean up the mess I promise

Very stern and sarcastic

Ursula  I see. Not a big deal then.

All three stand in silent looking awkward, in walks Bert, carrying lots more bags

Bert  Sorry to interrupt but where would you like the rest of your shopping Mrs White?

Ursula  Anywhere I don’t care, get the maid to unpack them all, and next time remember your place, your just staff you shouldn’t speak unless spoken to. We will talk later Ted.

Struts offstage

Ted  I’m so sorry Bert, she didn’t mean it, she is probably just tired from shopping

Joe  Even so, she didn’t need to be like that Dad, what’s her problem

Ted  She isn’t that bad, she just takes a little getting used to, that’s all

Joe  I just get the feeling she doesn’t like me being around at all, and you seem almost scared of her Dad

Ted  That’s silly I’m not scared of her, she is my wife, I don’t want to upset her that’s all.

Joe  The way she makes the room go cold just by walking into it, it freaks me out

Ted  That’s enough Joe, I wont have you talk about your mother that way

Joe  She is not my mother! my mother was kind and loving and caring and warm

Ted  And she has gone Joe. I miss her too, but I had to move on, and when I met Ursula I felt alive again

Joe  Well your wallet certainly felt alive again

Ted  What do you mean by that

Joe  I’m just saying she seems to spend a lot of money, a lot of your money, she doesn’t work herself, the whole thing just happened really quickly and I’m worried about you.

Ted  Well don’t be, I’m a grown man and I’m in control of my own life

From offstage

Ursula  Ted, Ted. Get up here now have you tried on that new jumper I got for you? your old one was disgusting, hurry up I need to go out again as well

Looks a bit panicked

Ted   Coming dear

Hurries off stage. Joe sits down and puts his head in his hands, Bert joins him and touches his shoulder gently

Bert  Is everything ok sir?

Joe  Please don’t call me sir Bert you have known me since I was born, you are like an uncle to me, I just hate seeing dad be treated so badly but that woman, she obviously is only after his money, why can’t he see that?

Bert  Your father believes he loves her, they met when he was very vulnerable and she took his mind away from sorrow and sadness.

Joe  I want him to be happy, oh I don’t know maybe I just miss mum so much still

Bert  I too miss your mother, she was such a lady. She would never have spoken to me like the present Mrs white does, but times change and we must change with them sir, I mean Joe.

Joe  I guess your right Bert, might take a while though. Thanks for the chat Bert. I better get this all cleaned up before I get told off again.

Begins cleaning up, Bert exits

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