By Samantha Cartwright and Emma Houldershaw
The traditional tale of Cinderella, with hilarious Uglies Nutella and Bonjella, loveable Buttons, a handsome Prince and plenty of innuendo
Cast
Cinderella (F), Prince Charming (M/F), Dandini (M/F), Fairy Godmother (F), Baron Hardup (M), Buttons (M), Nutella (M), Bonjella (M), chorus and dancers
2 Female, 4 Male, 2 M/F
Scenes – The Village, The Forest, Hardup Hall, The Ballroom
An excerpt from Cinderella
ACT 1
Scene 1
Front of blacks, Fairy Godmother enters SR
Fairy Hello everyone, welcome to the world of Panto once more
Where you will shout out, sing songs and laugh a lot for sure
This is my last job before I hang up my wand for good
But it’s to help a kind, lovely girl who is quite misunderstood
So before I retire to an easier life
I’m going to help this damsel through her worries and strife
It won’t be an easy road, trouble is on the path ahead
Two Ugly sisters who are desperate to be wed
But with my guidance, good friends and lots of laughter
Our beautiful girl should get her happy ever after
I’m jumping way too far into this story
She hasn’t even met Prince Charming in all his glory
So settle in your seats, that includes you fella
While we begin the story of Cinderella
Scene 2
The Village, a village centre with shops or market stalls, Cinderella, Buttons and Chorus
Song 1
Buttons (to audience) Hello everyone! Welcome to the village of Rolling-in-Dough, not that we are, everyone’s broke round here and everything’s broke. I work at Hardup Hall and I’m always having to fix things, I’m not very good at DIY but I managed to attach a piece of wood to another piece of wood. Nailed it. We’re so broke we ran out of toilet paper, so we had to start using old newspapers, the Times are rough. We’re so poor people break into our house and leave things. Oh, where are my manners, I haven’t introduced myself yet, can you guess my name? (stands puffing his chest out which has buttons on his uniform).
Audience Buttons!
Buttons Got it in one, my name is Buttons, what’s yours?
Audience (shout out their names, if they don’t, he encourages them by saying, come on shout them out)
Buttons Now that we’re friends, can I tell you a secret? I’ve already got a friend, see that girl over there (points to Cinderella who is chatting to some chorus), that’s Cinderella, she’s my best friend…but she doesn’t know (whispering) I’m actually in love with her (back to normal volume) I bet you never saw that coming. I don’t want to tell her, at least not yet as I don’t want to ruin our friendship, but sometimes I get so nervous around her that I nearly blurt it out. Hey, I’ve got an idea, you can help me. Every time I say to Cinderella ‘Can I tell you something?’ you shout out ‘Button it’ and that’ll stop me. I’ll tell her one day, when the time is right. Shall we have a little practice? (to Cinderella) Cinders? Come and meet my new friends, say hello to Cinders everyone.
Audience Hello Cinders
Cinderella Hello everyone
Buttons (winking to the audience) Cinders, can I tell you something?
Audience Button it!
Buttons Thanks guys
Cinderella What did you want to tell me Buttons?
Buttons Oh just that I lost my mood ring and I don’t know how to feel about it
Cinderella Oh Buttons, you’re so funny. (nudges him gently)
Buttons (he nudges her gently)
Cinderella (she nudges him)
Buttons (he nudges her and she falls over) Cinders I’m so sorry (he helps her up) What time is the Baron due back?
Cinderella Anytime now, I’m so excited to see him, he’s been away for so long, and Buttons, I’ll finally get to meet my new step sisters
Buttons It’ll be so nice for you to have some female company in the house for a change.
Cinderella I know, we can do makeovers and have girls nights. Oh, I hope they love animals just as much as I do, they can help me feed the chickens and clean out the stables, it’s going to be just wonderful. I always wanted a sister and now I’m getting two. (Buttons face falls a little) don’t worry Buttons, you’ll always be my best friend.
Buttons Cinders, can I tell you something? (going all dreamy)
Audience Button it!
Buttons (snapping out of it) Thanks guys
Cinderella What did you want to tell me Buttons?
Buttons Never trust an atom, they make up everything.
Chorus 1 (coming forward and talking to Buttons) Buttons, are you joining in the hunt later?
Sound effect of hunting horn and everyone on stage leans to the side and puts their hand to their ear
Chorus 2 I heard Prince Charming is leading it
Chorus 3 He’s so dreamy
Chorus 2 And he’s so rich
Chorus 3 The perfect man
Cinderella He can’t be that perfect if he’s into hunting.
Buttons Not that kind of hunting, it’s a treasure hunt.
Baron Hardup enters
Hardup Hunting, who’s into hunting?
Cinderella Father, you’re back, (she runs to him and hugs him) It’s so good to have see you. Did you have a safe trip? You must tell me all about it. Where are my new sisters?
Hardup I’ve missed you so much, It’s great to be home. Have you been looking after the animals?
Cinderella I have father, I’ve learnt so much, I’m another step closer to my dream of becoming a vet
Hardup That’s very nice dear, but I think for now, you might have your hands full with your new sisters
Cinderella Oh of course, where are they? (she is excited, Hardup is looking nervously over his shoulder)
Hardup They’re not far behind, I just need to warn you before they arrive…
Nutella and Bonjela enter to a burst of song to introduce them
Nutella I can’t believe you left us
Bonjela We had all these bags to carry
Nutella Where are the servants?
Bonjela (spotting Cinderella) Ahh, you, take these bags to Hardup Hall and put them in our rooms
Buttons (stepping in) It’s ok, I can do that for you (he picks up the cases and takes them off)
Cinderella I’m actually your new sister, I’m Cinderella.
Nutella (uglies go either side of Cinderella Bonjela is talking sickly sweet but passive aggressively, Nutella is being nasty but Cinderella doesn’t hear her) Oh Cinderella
Bonjela So you’re Cinderella
Nutella Our new sister
Cinderella (smiling and excited) Yes that me, I’m so excited to meet you, we’re going to have so much fun
Buttons enters and hears the whole conversation
Bonjela Fun, yes
Nutella (aside to audience) Fun for us
Cinderella I have so much planned
Bonjela I love plans
Nutella (aside to audience) And we’ve got plans for you
Cinderella I have a feeling we’re going to be lifelong friends
Bonjela Besties forever
Nutella (aside to audience) Bore off Cindersmella
Buttons Cinders, shall we get the bags home?
Cinderella Not yet Buttons, I’m talking to my sisters
Bonjela We have names
Nutella I’m Nutella
Bonjela And I’m Bonjela
Cinderella It’s fate, all our names end in ‘Ella’
Buttons That’s an ‘ella’ va coincidence (he laughs)
Hardup Should we be getting home? It’s been a long journey
Nutella We’ll catch up, we want to check out these shops first
Hardup (as he’s leaving, shaking his head) I’m not just Hardup by name
He exits with Cinderella, Buttons and chorus
Blacks close, set the forest scene behind
Bonjela How much money have we got left?
Nutella Who cares? Stick it on our new Daddy’s credit card
Bonjela I love shopping, the other day I was in Primarni and I asked the shop assistant if I could try on the dress in the window. She said no, you’ll have to use the fitting room like everyone else.
Nutella Whoever said money can’t buy happiness, didn’t know where to go shopping.
Bonjela Honestly shopping is better than therapy, it costs the same and you get a dress out of it.
Bonjela (noticing audience) Well hello
Nutella (also noticing audience) There’s only one thing we like more than shopping and that’s men
Bonjela Lots of lovely men to choose from here
Nutella But wait, you don’t know anything about us, let’s introduce ourselves.
Bonjela Alec, Alec Trician (asking the technical team) can you give us some lighting that makes us look young and sexy?
Black out
Both Cheek!
Spotlight on Nutella, voice over in a dating show style
Voice This is Nutella, Nutella is 22 years old from Rolling-in-Dough, single looking to mingle, Nutella is a fun loving party girl, easily spreadable and may contain nuts
Spotlight off Nutella and onto Bonjela
Voice This is Bonjela, Bonjela is 21 years old from Rolling-in-Dough, Bonjela is looking for a Sugar Daddy, so if you have a sweet tooth, she may be the oral treatment you need.
Lights back up, projection of a phone screen showing a dating app, scrolling through lots of pictures of men, it ends on a photo of a man who is sitting in the first few rows. Or the last photo is of an unpopular celebrity and the sisters dismiss him and choose someone in the audience
Voice Let’s see who our computer matches you with.
Nutella Oh we have a winner, you lucky thing. Bet you’re glad you swiped right
Bonjela Stand up, what’s your name?
Man (says his name)
Nutella Hello ‘name’. I’m Nutella. Have you ever tried Nutella, lots of people have. I’m delicious and available.
Bonjela Bet you wish you chose seats at the back now don’t you?
Nutella Are you married ‘name’?
Man No
Nutella You might be by the end of the night
Or
Man Yes
Nutella But not happily. I could make you happy.
Bonjela Get comfortable ‘name’ because lucky for you, you’re in the hot seat.
Nutella I’ll leave you alone for a bit ‘name’. I’ve been trying to give up inuendo, but it’s hard, so hard. (as song starts) This is for you ‘name’
Curtains close at the start of the song, to set the forest scene behind
Song 2
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