By Robin Carlow
Plot Summary
Widow Twankey with her two sons Aladdin and Wishy Washy, run a laundry in Peking where it’s amazing they get any customers given the poor service given. One of their superior customers is the Emperor and Widow Twankey decides she ought to become his Empress. In the meantime, Aladdin sets his eyes on Princess Jasmine, the Emperors daughter, and love blossoms between them. But Aladdin is poor and he needs riches to offer his Princess, and to his aid comes Abanazer who claims he is Aladdin’s long lost uncle, but in truth is not. Abanazer requires a young lad to enter the cave to retrieve the magic lamp and offering, in exchange for the lamp, all the treasure Aladdin wishes to take. But the plan starts to go wrong, first for Abanazer, then for Aladdin. But with the aid of the Spirit of the Ring and Fred the Genie, good over comes evil with everyone living happy ever after. Except Abanazer who has been placed in a bottle for many hundreds of years to come!
Cast
Widow Twangy (M), Wishy Washy (M), Aladdin (M/F), Princess Jasmine (F), Emperor (M), Vizier (M), Chop (M/F), Suey (M/F), Abanazer (M), Genie (M), Spirit of the ring (F), Fairy (F), Animal (M/F)
6 Male, 3 Female, 4 Male/Female
Scenes
Twankey’s laundry, Somewhere in Peking, Inside the Cave, The Emperor’s Palace
An Excerpt from Aladdin
ACT 1
Scene 1
Twankey’s Laundry (full stage)
Song 1
Opening number
The scene opens with cast and/or chorus to sing/dance opening number. If the cast is used, they exit after the number. Set Fairy up stage so she can exit first if the cast is used for the opening number. All chorus/townspeople remain on stage
Fairy enters right
Fairy: Let me take you far away, the mystic East, it’s fair to say.
Where strangest things of make believe and magic,
and life of Widow Twankey, funny, not tragic.
She has two sons, one by the name of Aladdin,
who dreams of fame, fortune and a Princess to love him.
The other, by the name of Wishy Washy,
if not in trouble, he’s covered, all frothy!
So here we are at Twankey’s Laundry,
where dirt is washed from all and sundry.
A standard price of three for the cost of two,
and if you’re lucky, it will look clean as new.
So, without further ado,
let me introduce Widow Twankey to you.
A woman with a down-trodden role,
but she’s only a hard-pressed, gentle soul! (Exits right)
Twankey is heard off stage shouting. Twankey and Wishy then enter. Twankey is sat in some form of wheeled transport (wheelbarrow, cart, etc.) as Wishy is pushing at speed. Twankey is covered with loose garments for washing and has a brasserie upon her head; her arm through a pair of Satin type underpants with a big hole in the seat; and stuffed down her cleavage is a male posing pouch. Once on-stage Wishy tips her out onto the floor
Twankey: You great fool of a twit! Goodness knows what washing belongs to whom; it’s all muddled up! (Stands and removing the knickers on her arm) And whose knickers are these on my arm?
Wishy: (takes the knickers and looks at them) I don’t know. But they are definitely Satin.
Twankey: How do you know?
Wishy: (holding the garment up showing the hole) Can’t you see? They’ve been ‘sat in’ and worn right through!
Twankey: (removing the brassier form her head) And look at the state of this?
Wishy: What bust?
Twankey: (looking) I don’t think it’s bust, just a worn out!
Wishy: (takes the garment and places it to his knees) It’s the Emperor’s skateboarding knee pads.
Twankey: (grabs the garment) Don’t be stupid, stupid. (Places it to her eyes) Surely it’s ‘ipads’?
Wishy: (takes the garment) I know what it is. It’s a device to boil two spotted dicks at once!
Twankey: Well, you won’t catch me eating a dick spotted or unspotted from a thing like that! (Pulling from her cleavage the posing pouch) And since when have we started washing eye patches. (Holding it up)
Wishy: Let’s have a look? (Takes the garment and inspects it) Oh, Mother. This is not an eye patch; it’s a snuggle cosy for a computer mouse.
Twankey: Then why all the stringy bits?
Wishy: That’s so you can tie it down when you’re not using and it won’t run away.
Twankey: If you ask me, it’s technology gone mad. (Looks at the dispersed washing) Look, Wishy Washy, pick this up and bung it in a nice neat untidy pile.
Wishy picks up the clothes and takes them off stage with the wheeled transport as Twankey continues her dialogue.
Twankey: My name is Widow Twankey and life’s not been easy; look at me – you wouldn’t think I’m just over thirty, would you? To be precise, thirty and a few months! And bringing two boys up on my own I’ve worked my fingers to the bone. And what have I got to show for it? – Bony fingers! (Sighs) I’m looking for a man. Not just any man – I’m fussy you know? – He’s got to be breathing and one that doesn’t have selective hearing that will listen to my every word and do as he’s told. And a man who will replace the sheets of torn paper hanging in the loo and not just leave an empty hook which you only espy after doing your job! And to my experience any man that will comply to those regulations are far and few between and almost extinct. (Sighs) But never mind all that, firstly I require assistance alerting me to those who think it’s funny to ring my bell and runs away. (Goes to the bell pull) Now, you see this? Well, if you pull it it rings my bell. Listen? (Pulls the bell pull and a bell is heard ringing) Now, will you help me? (Do business) Good, now when you see someone pulling my bell, I want you to shout out, “Don’t pull the bell!” Do you think you could do that boys and girls? Let’s have a try and make sure. (Does business with audience with pulling the bell pull) You keep that up and it will keep me running and save me a workout at the gym. (Looks about) Well, as you see this is my laundry. And I sing all the time I’m working in it.
Song 2
Any suitable laundry song. After the number the chorus exits.
Twankey: There, that’s better. And do you know my customers call this ‘A mint laundry’? Oh yes it is?
(Audience participation of ‘Oh no it isn’t) It’s not because their washing has that ‘fresh minty smell’ – it’s because it’s always returned in mint condition with a great hole in it! Now where are those sons of mine? (Shouts loudly) Aladdin – Wishy Washy!
Aladdin and Wishy Washy enter
Aladdin: We’ve just been chased off the streets by the Palace Guards.
Wishy: And one called me something which I’m sure is impossible to do
Twankey: Tell me his name and I’ll try it out with him? (To audience) You never know, it might bring a new angle to my love life!
Aladdin: I rather think it would bring you a lot of pain and discomfort!
Twankey: I’m used to that – it’s called daily survival!
Wishy: But they said, “be gone, you can’t play about in the streets!” Followed by the words I can’t repeat
Twankey: You should know the street’s closed today because the Princess Jasmine is walking down to get a Maccy D, and nobody is allowed to gaze on her as she is passing.
Wishy: Why, is she ugly?
Twankey: I’ve never seen the Princess to be able to say. But if I did gaze upon her Royal Highness, I’d get the chop!
Aladdin: Pork or lamb?
Twankey: A personal piece of personage that my person would be incomplete if it were detached with the fast motion of a blade.
Wishy: But losing your head would be no loss.
Twankey: (to audience) It’s not losing my head that worries me! (To Aladdin and Wishy) Now, you two look after my superior washeteria whilst I’ll go to …………………………… (local shop) and complain about that soap powder which makes our washing shrink and creates dirty great holes in it! (Exits)
Aladdin: I wonder if the Princess is as beautiful as it is said? I so wish I could risk just one peek at her.
Wishy: No girl is worth risking a peek if you’d get your deposit chopped off!
Aladdin: But you risked losing your head seeing that farmers daughter last year.
Wishy: I did. But I wasn’t the catch what she thought I might be.
Aladdin: Oh! And for why?
Wishy: She had this idea we were stinking rich and money no object.
Aladdin: How so?
Wishy: When I said, “we cleaned up big time at Peking’s casino at least once a week”. She thought we were rich with big winnings. But when she found out we only collected and cleaned up the tablecloths for washing; she dumped me – by text!
Aladdin: Oh, Wishy Washy, you’ll never have the girl of your dreams if you’re not honest and show her ‘real’ affection.
Wishy: I was honest and offered her ‘real’ affection – she didn’t want that either!
Aladdin: (determined) Do you know; I’m going to risk it. I’m going to see the Princess.
Wishy: But what if you get caught, Aladdin?
Aladdin: If I get my head chopped off tell Mother to sell my hat.
Wishy: And if they don’t chop off your head?
Aladdin: Your brother could become your sister!
Wishy: Coo – if I put a dress on, we could disguise ourselves as females of the opposite sex and be, ‘sisters doing it for themselves.’
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