An excerpt from Clue the Music
Stage is set like a hotel function room, main function area in centre, bar stage left, reception stage right.
Butler and Madame Sapphire enter stage left, she is carrying a candlestick which she puts on a table in the bar.
Butler Do you have everything ready Madame Sapphire? It has to be perfect, this school reunion could help get the hotel back to its glory days.
Sapphire Yes, yes, all under control. If things go well, I might be able to afford an extra pair of hands, it’s not easy doing everything myself.
Butler You’re not by yourself, you’ve got me.
Saphhire Yes of course, I’ve got you, (under her breath) fat lot of good you are.
Butler Have you arranged the furniture in the library and the dining room?Sapphire No they have only hired this room and the conservatory.
Chatter from side of stage
Butler Quick, I can hear the first lot of guests arriving, positions.
Sapphire and Butler stand near reception, him behind the desk, her to the side with a tray of drinks, the tray of name badges are on reception. Professor Green and Scarlett enter stage right
Scarlett It’s sweet of you to say so, I just can’t place you, you say we were in the same class?
Green Yes, for seven years.
Scarlett Oh (big fake smile, sees Sapphire with the drinks and goes to her leaving Green behind)
Butler Welcome to the Red Rum Hotel, if you’d like to find your name on the tray and take your badge.
Sapphire Would you care for a glass of champagne?
Scarlett Don’t mind if I do (she takes a glass, doesn’t bother taking a name badge, goes to sit on bar stool 1).
Green Thank you (he takes a drink and stays near Sapphire)
Penelope enters with chorus group 1, pushing through them
Penelope Take a name badge and a drink and go and find yourselves somewhere to sit (Chorus group 1 go to
the name badge tray and take drinks and go to table 3 in the bar).
Green Well if it isn’t Penelope Plum, I must say you’re looking lovely.
Penelope Name badge! Where’s your name badge? (to Sapphire and Butler) Why aren’t you giving out the
name badges? I specifically told you over the phone that everyone needs a name badge.
Both I’m sorry
Penelope Don’t worry, I’ll do it. (she is snappy and flustered and takes name badges to Green and Scarlett, then goes back to reception).
Beatrice enters, shyly looking for her name badge, Penelope comes over and finds it straight away, chorus group 2 enter and go to table 4
Penelope There you go, Beatrice Beige, help yourself to a drink.
Beatrice Err, do you have any orange juice?
Sapphire points to the bar, Beatrice goes and gets an orange juice then goes and sits quietly at table 1, conversation carries on during this. Sarah and Dan enter, Penelope goes straight over to them, hugs and kisses them both, chorus group 3 also enter and go to the bar.
Sarah Hi Pen, how’s it going?
Penelope Don’t ask, when I got here, nothing was ready, they weren’t giving out the name badges, I’m telling you, nothing would ever get done if I didn’t do it myself.
Dan Same as usual then Penelope, organising the world.
Penelope You know me Dan. I’ll catch up with you guys in a moment, get yourselves a drink (they take their name badges and drinks and go to table 2)
Kyle enters followed by Cerise and James, last of chorus enter
Kyle (carrying a keg and funnel, he knocks chorus out of the way as he goes by) Let’s get this party started,
class of 99, it’s gonna be an awesome night.
Scarlett, Kyle, Dan and Sarah sit at table 2, Beatrice goes to table 1. Cerise and Penelope are centre stage, Professor Green and James Blanc go to bar stool 2. Chorus can use tables 3 and 4 and back end of bar area.
Penelope So Cerise, you’re looking (looks her up and down) enhanced.
Cerise Thanks, that’s so nice of you to notice.
Penelope And I’m assuming you didn’t get that tan from round here?
Cerise (Laughing) you’re so funny, I live in California now, I wouldn’t look this good living round here.
Penelope Oh yes, I forgot, you married a rich Texan oil tycoon didn’t you? Where is he tonight? You didn’t bring him?
Cerise Sadly he passed away.
Penelope (Immediately getting out Dictaphone and turning it on, her tone changes from stand offish to friendly and interested) I’m so sorry to hear that, wasn’t that your third husband to have died under suspicious circumstances?
Cerise He was 92, there’s nothing suspicious.
Penelope And I’m sure the 70 million he left you helped to ease the pain of your loss.
Cerise You are so right, it really did. Lots of retail therapy, that’s what I needed. And now I’m back, ready to look for husband number four. Speaking of which, rumour has it that the rock star Johnny Black is coming tonight, I’m just dying to see him again.
Penelope Did you even speak to him when we were at school?
Cerise As if, I’d never’ve talked to a loser like that, but now that he’s a mega star we’re more in the same league.
Penelope You’re a glamour model and he’s a worldwide celebrity.
Cerise I know, it’s got OK magazine written all over it.
Penelope I have it on good authority that he will be here.
Cerise Authority? What, like the police told you?
Penelope Let’s just say, we go way back.
Conversation moves to Sarah, Dan, Kyle and Scarlett, Dan has his arm around Sarah, they are acting like the perfect happily married couple.
Scarlett How long have you two been married now?
Dan Thirteen years, and it’s been the best thirteen years of my life (they are a bit gushy he kisses her on the forehead)
Scarlett Wow, you’d get less for murder (she takes a drag on her cigarette).
Kyle That could have been me and you Scarlett if you’d played your cards right.
Scarlett Shame, must’ve been dealt the wrong hand.
Dan Kyle, you never stood a chance, Scarlett had much better taste than that.
Scarlett Actually Dan, I’m not sure I did (she gets up and goes to the bar)
Kyle Yeah, I think I’m in there (he follows Scarlett to the bar).
Sarah (pulling away from him) get your arm off me, are you going to be like this all night?
Dan Like what?
Sarah You were flirting with her, right in front of my face.
Dan Babe, babe, I was just being friendly, you know what I’m like.
Sarah Yes, I do know what you’re like, that’s the problem.
Kyle returns to the table
Kyle Sorry, forgot to ask, anyone for a jaeger bomb?
Sarah (returning to smiley happy couple) No, we’re fine thanks.
Dan Yeah go on, I’ll have one. (Kyle goes back to the bar)
Sarah This evening just gets better and better.
Conversation moves to Professor Green and James Blanc at bar stool 2
James I must congratulate you on the MP4000 Professor Green, how did you come up with the idea?
Green Oh, thank you, It’s complicated.
James Do you remember Beatrice? She was my science partner, she had a similar idea. I wonder if she’s
Green I’ve never spoken to her before, I wouldn’t know anything about her idea.
Penelope (coming to the conversation and turning on her Dictaphone) what’s that Professor, you talking about
other people’s ideas?
Green Nothing Penelope, we’re here to have a good time, not talk shop.
Penelope (turning to James) What is it you do now James?
James I could tell you, but then I’d have to kill you. (they all pause, look at each other, and then all laugh).
Scarlett comes over to the conversation, stands next to James and taps him on the shoulder.
Scarlett I don’t remember you from school.
Green She didn’t remember me either (Scarlett and James are looking at each other and neither take their eyes off each other while Green speaks)
James That’s me (points at a photo of himself at school that is up near the bar).
Scarlett Oh, I do remember, all the finer things in life improve with age, what’s your name again?
James Blanc, James Blanc
Sound of car pulling up, Penelope rushes over to reception, straightening herself up
Kyle I wonder if it’s my main man, Johnny Black
Emerald enters, everyone is disappointed
Scarlett Oh, It’s just Emerald.
Emerald That’s right Scarlett, it’s just Emerald, although I’m not a scared little 12 year old that you can bully anymore. You can knock me down all you like but I’m gonna get back up again, so come on, hit me with your best shot.