Beauty and the Beast By Jim Underwood

By Jim Underwood


Beauty (F), Beast/Prince Adam (M), Melodia (F), Evanora (F), Ogg and Bog, Porsche and Mercedes  (F), Dame Tiffany Masher (M), Spud Masher (M), Papa (M), Findus (Pantomime horse)/Prince Charming, Ricardo, Dragons Den, Johannes Bertrand Philip Judas Iscariot Peter Zeus Apollo Theodophilis St John Pumpernickle, Chorus

Time 16th Century

Plot Summary

Step in the world of Beauty, a kind and spirited soul who cares for everyone including her father. This classic tale has been given a modern upgrade. Whilst including the traditional characters we are introduced to some new faces including Ricardo, the village beauty therapist and also Findus, Beauty’s best friend who just happens to be a horse who can talk but cannot tell anyone. A fun filled family Pantomime with many laugh out loud moments.

An Excerpt from Beauty and the Beast



Front of tabs.  Melodia the Good Fairy enters.

Melodia  Welcome all to our pantomime,

You’ve taken your seats, just in time.

The story that you now will see,

The ending, I promise, happy will be.

But on the way, there will be sadness,

And not a small amount of badness.

But for now, it’s time to stop the rhymes,

Because I have some normal lines.

to front centre

Thank goodness for that. I really hate having to rhyme all the time, every line. See once I start it’s hard to stop and it’s such hard work. But people expect it from a Fairy, why? Anyway, let me introduce myself. I’m Melodia, the Good Fairy and I have several roles in this story. I don’t mean I’m playing the prince or anything like that. Not those kinds of roles. No, I mean I’m your guide, narrator and I’m sure my magic will be needed later.

For now though let me take you to the peaceful village of Merrydown, part of Prince Adam’s kingdom. Adam is a kind and generous ruler and his subjects are for the most part happy.

Scene 1

The village of Merrydown, full set, houses, shops.

Song 1

Villagers sing a sweet song on stage. Porsche and Mercedes enter through audience. They stop sweet song with ad-lib with audience then get band to play something more modern, end up on stage, Mercedes and Porsche front. Villagers rear

Mercedes  Oh, look Porsche, we have some visitors. See anyone you fancy?

Porsche  pointing  Oooh. He’s gorgeous. No, not you love, him behind you. Hang on, that man there, he is well fit! And that one. See you in the bar for the interval boys.

Mercedes  You can’t have them all, what about me?

Porsche  Well, I saw them first.

Mercedes That’s not fair. You know I’m having problems with my eyes.

Porsche I can see that looking at that outfit you’re wearing.  (Villagers laugh) Anyway. I though you only had eyes for Ricardo.

Mercedes  Yes, but he doesn’t seem to be interested. I don’t think I’m quite his type. But I’m not giving up. He’s gorrrgeous.

Enter Ricardo wearing a loud pink shirt, denim hot-pant shorts

Ricardo waving. Helllloooo girls. UK huns? How are my two favourite customers today. What’s it to be then? Facial scrub? Peel? Eyebrow tint? Nail extensions? Choco, moco, hot oil body wrap?

Mercedes draping herself over Ricardo. Whatever you want handsome. I’ll put myself in your hands.

Porsche  to audience. She really has no idea.

We will go for the full lot Ricardo. Papa will pay. Just send him the bill.

Enter Beauty with Findus the horse.

Mercedes  Why do you have to go everywhere with that mangey thing?

Beauty  Findus is a very handsome horse. Pats him on the head.

Mercedes  laughing to Porsche I was talking to the horse. The girls laugh uncontrollably.

Beauty  Very funny. What are you two doing? Wasting Papa’s money again?

Porsche  It’s not a waste. We have to look good for our Insta followers. We are influencers you know.

Mercedes  Yes we do make up tutorials, fashion advice, we are role models for the 16th Century woman.

Porsche  No man is going to look at you Beauty wearing that and with your hair unstyled and no make-up. Come on Ricardo, do your worst.

Mercedes  He could do more than that to me!

Exit Porsche and Mercedes

Ricardo  I’ll be in in a minute. Beauty, why do you let them talk to you like that hun?

Beauty  They mean no harm. It’s just their way.

Ricardo  You are far prettier than them Beauty. I do wish you’d let me give you a makeover.

Beauty  No thank you Ricardo I’m happy as I am. If I get married, I want someone who isn’t interested in all the make-up and hair. I want a man to love me for me. And Papa can’t afford for all three of us to spend his money.

Ricardo  Well, I think you’re gorgeous Beauty. Any man would be lucky to have you hun. (to audience) Well not any man. But thank goodness not every woman thinks the same way as you or I’d be out of business. (laughs) I better go and sort out the points‘Ugly Sisters’. See you later hun!

He exits

Beauty Walks to Findus. Oh Findus. Are the girls right? Will no man want me if I don’t look perfect. I am worried about Papa though. He is so generous with Porsche and Mercedes and they take advantage. He can’t really afford it. I hope his new invention sells when he takes it to London. You’ll be going with him. I will miss you. You’re the only one I can talk to about this. Papa won’t hear a word against them. You’re such a good listener, you’re my best friend.

Song 2

Beauty  Sometimes, I wish you could talk. Anyway, you wait here while I go in the bakery. There’s some water in the trough there.

Beauty exits, leaving Findus alone on the stage

Findus  What Beauty doesn’t realise is I can talk. I’m just not allowed. It’s a long story and you’ll find out more in time. But please will you keep my secret. It’s really important.

Audience  Yes

Findus  But every time I come on the stage and say ‘neigh’ will you call back ‘Hello Findus’. Will you do that?

Audience  Yes.

Findus  Great let’s give it a try. Neigh.

Audience  Hello Findus.

Findus  I’m sure you can do better than that. Neigh.

Audience  Hello Findus.

Findus: That’s much better. But shhh. Here comes Beauty. Remember. It’s our secret. Shhhh.

Enter Beauty excitedly

Beauty Findus, I’ve just heard the most exciting news. Mrs Bunn the baker, heard it from Mr Lamb the butcher, who heard it from Mr Mason the builder, who heard it from Mr Haddock the fisherman, who heard it from Mrs Cobbler the shoemaker, who heard it from Mr Smith the blacksmith, who heard it from Mr Cooper the barrel maker, who heard it from Mr Fletcher who makes arrows, who heard it from Mrs Weaver who runs the tailors, who heard it from Mrs Shepherd the farmer, who heard it from Mr Pope the Vicar who heard it from… Wait for it… deep breath Johannes Bertrand Philip Judas Iscariot Peter Zeus Apollo Theodophilis St John Pumpernickle who doesn’t have a job

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