Forty is an apprentice fairy, looking for work. She dreams of being in a festive pantomime – but how many panto stories really have fairies?
Searching through the situations vacant column in the Fantasy Times, she finds listings for six different twenty minute pocket pantomimes. Will Fairy Forty find her happily ever after?
Each of the six pocket pantomimes is a self contained story which may be used in schools, drama classes or as short pieces for residential homes or as part of a variety show. Adding the fairy entre-acts between the scenes to link the stories allows for a flexible length show, from twenty minutes to two hours.
NOTE FROM THE PLAYWRIGHT:
The pocket pantos may be performed in any order; however, Cinderella should come last, as this is the only story that originally has a fairy.
Local references may be added where indicated.
An excerpt from Fairy Forty
ACT 1
Prologue
Musical trill. Fairy Forty enters.
Fairy Forty All aboard, Maties for a tale about a hat …
No that’s not right … a tale about a cat!
And Dick, who is our hero
I’m a random fairy who’s … Ummm… four zero?
Sorry. Was that alright? Apprentice fairy here … I’m Fairy Forty. I’m so proud! Just think. All that re-training, and now I’m a Fairy at Forty! Isn’t that brilliant? I’m a bit new, so I’m not very good at this rhyming malarkey yet. But you have to keep trying don’t you. Now, I’m looking for a job. I saw this one in Fantasy Times, so I thought I’d apply. I quite fancy being in Dick Whittington with its tale of adventure on the high seas – and all that gold of course. Now, where’s the casting director?
Alice (Enters.) Oy you – wrong panto! There’s no fairy in Dick Whittington.
Fairy No fairy? What sort of pantomime is that?
Alice This one. Get off!
Fairy What about the advert for a Fairy?
Alice It wasn’t for a fairy – it was for anyone who’s hairy! You know – pirates. And rats.
Fairy starts to walk off sadly, Encouraging audience to Ahhh!
Fairy Oh come on you lot – I’ve just been turfed out of this panto! Ahhhh. That’s better. But who knows – I might be back! Ta, ta!
She waves, and exits, followed by Alice.
SCENE 1
Dick Whittington, Dick enters, followed slowly by Smartie.
Dick London – finally! Look, there’s Big Ben,Tower Bridge and the Millennium Dome. The locals look friendly … Wotcha Maties! My name’s Dick. This is my faithful cat. Smartie. Why not say ‘Wotcha Cat’ to him. Wotcha Cat!
Audience Wotcha Cat
Smartie Watch out? Is there a rat? Let me at him, let me at him!
Dick No no – no rats. They’re just saying hello, me old mukka!
Smartie What are you going on about?
Dick Cockney slang. It’s only polite to speak the local language.
Smartie If you say so.
Dick Now they know our secret. Smartie, if you talk, you’ll get us into trouble.
Smartie Trouble? What kind of trouble?
Dick Cats are not supposed to be able to talk. You’ll become famous!
Smartie I don’t mind. I’d get to go on (*local news programme.)!
Dick Just zip it.
Smartie (Grabs his crotch – looks down.) It’s not undone!
Dick swipes him round the ears.
Dick Not that sort of zip! Just stop talking!
Smartie (Shaking his head and rubs his ears.) I can hear bells.
Dick That’s London!
Smartie I thought it was because you’d boxed my ears.
Dick No, it’s the bells of London.
Smartie The Miss World competition?
Dick Miss World?
Smartie You know – lovely Belles of London – not that London has any more beautiful women than the rest of the country you understand. I mean, don’t you think all women – all people – are beautiful … just look at this lot.
Dick You’re waffling. And stop trying to be PC.
Smartie I never had any desire to be a PC. An Inspector is more me.
Dick An Inspector?
Smartie Yes. I could inspect a larder for fish, inspect a sofa for a comfy cushion, inspect ..
Dick Enough! We’re not inspecting any larders for fish – or cushions. Come on – London awaits.
They exit. May enters with a rubbish bag.
May Blasted kids! Always dropping litter. Oh, customers! Hello everyone. What a lovely bunch! I’m May Dolittle. Welcome to my corner shop, Dolittle Delights! Isn’t it fabulous? No, maybe not so much. It’s a bit out of the way in this dingy old street, but Councillor Fitzwarren’s such a mean landlord, this was all I could afford. But he allowed his ward, Alice, to help me move in.
Alice enters with a large box.
Alice Miss Dolittle – where shall I put these? They’re out of date.
May (She looks at box.) Look – best before 2025. They’re fine.
Alice You can’t sell out of date sweets!
May Honestly Alice – you’re such a stickler for the rules!
Alice You can’t sell them! What shall I do with them?
May Alright! Throw them away!
Alice Throw them away?
May Throw them away.
Alice throws sweets into the audience.
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